Self-image and sexuality - Part 5

https://orthop.washington.edu/patient-care/articles/arthritis/frequently-asked-questions-about-living-with-arthritis.html

Sexuality is an important part of life involving how one feels about and expresses being male or female as well as the many physical ways in which one can experience closeness with others. The opportunity to express and enjoy sexuality can be affected by arthritis. Although arthritis has no direct effect on the body's capacity for sexual enjoyment the disease can indirectly affect sexuality.

For example pain and fatigue can reduce your interest in being around others or reduce your interest in sexual activity. Having inflamed joints or limited joint mobility also can make engaging in certain sexual activities more difficult. And some drugs that are used to treat arthritis or other health problems may lower your sex drive or affect your sexual ability.

Self-image can be affected by body changes caused by arthritis or certain medications. A disease can change the way you look and feel but you still are the same person you were before you became ill. If physical changes do occur they will be much more noticeable to you than to anyone else. How you manage these changes is more important to your personal relationships than are the actual changes themselves. Other people "see" you through your personality posture voice and personal style of dressing and grooming in addition to your physical features.

Many of the suggestions already given for dealing with pain fatigue and limited activities can help you enjoy your sexuality. Also remind yourself that a great part of how others see you and feel about you depends on how you feel about yourself. If you don't see yourself as an attractive person others might not either.

For those who are not married or enjoying a close relationship there may be the challenge of finding a person with whom you can enjoy life. For a person with a disability or an illness the usual steps in making new friends can be more difficult. If you don't feel like going out make the effort to maintain contact with friends by telephoning them or inviting them to your home. Indicate your willingness to try to participate in whatever is going on.

Fortunately,

most people with arthritis are able to get out and participate in social events. Joining an activity club or an organization whose efforts are of value to you will put you in touch with people who have similar interests.

Once you have found someone with whom you wish to be close you should tell them about your arthritis in a matter-of-fact way explaining that there are some things you can't do but that there are many more things you can enjoy. Remember that any healthy long-term relationship is based on openness. All people risk rejection not just people with arthritis. If a person feels too uncomfortable to be with you after learning that you have arthritis perhaps that person couldn't give you the closeness and support you want anyway.

As a relationship develops there are many ways to communicate with your partner. You can use unspoken signals such as facial expressions and touches to get your message across but you also must be willing to talk with your partner. Unexpressed feelings can lead to inaccurate conclusions. You may feel your partner is ignoring you when he or she may actually just be afraid of hurting you. If you avoid your partner's touch because you are in pain or are very tired your behavior could be misunderstood.

When there isn't enough communication hurt feelings can build unnecessary barriers to any relationship. It is your responsibility to let your partner know how you feel just as you would like to know how he or she is feeling about you.

Why do other people's perceptions matter?

Many people think of arthritis as an old person's disease or something that causes minor aches and pains. At the other extreme are those people who believe that nothing can be done for arthritis and that those who get it can expect to end up in a wheelchair. You may be accused of making too much of your arthritis or viewed with pity by people who think you're on the verge of becoming totally disabled. You may feel put down if you're told what you can't do by an uninformed public or a well-meaning family member who just wants to protect you.

The negative perceptions of others may be among the most difficult challenges you have to face. When family and friends misunderstand you they may not be able to provide the support you need.

Misconceptions held by employers and the public can make it more difficult for you to work or get the services you need.

But you don't have to accept other people's ideas about you or your illness. Learn as much as you can about arthritis so you can have a realistic attitude about your condition. Then deal with people's misinformed notions in a positive fashion. At times you may want to ignore comments from misguided friends. At other times you will want to explain your condition as soon as you become aware that someone has misconceptions. In a matter-of-fact way talk about arthritis and how it affects you. By educating others you can help promote a better understanding of arthritis.